Monday, April 9, 2012

Magnum P.I. is finished!

Good news! Our private investigator finished his work, and I received all his documents and summary over the weekend.  After pouring over it all again and again, looking for typos, misspellings, inconsistencies, things that don't make sense....  I finally think it is ready to go.  He did a really thorough job, and I can't find anywhere that I think he could have done more.  Our case is a really straight forward one without much room for question to it.

Except for one little fact that is just a fact.

It cannot be changed, it is there and there's nothing we can do to "fix" it.  We're not ready to share the details of this, but I feel it needs to be covered by prayers.  It is something that could have been avoided if the proper care and attention had been given at the very beginning, but at this point, it is too late and we just have to roll with it. I feel very hopeful that this will be something the Embassy sees fairly often and will not pose any problem in their review of our case.  However, there is room for it to become a very large obstacle.  So please, we covet your prayers.  Our investigator will take the files Tuesday morning to the Embassy, and after that.... we wait.

And now, prepare yourself for some brutal honesty.  Some soul confessions.  Or else go back to Facebook.

These last three months have been really tough for me.  Adoption is not easy, and every one told me to get ready for an emotional roller coaster. I think at one point I thought, "I've been through three pregnancies and a miscarriage, it can't be worse than all that."  Well, it is. I had a close friend tell me once they thought they'd just adopt because they figured it would be easier than having their own kids.  I think that is hilarious at this point!  It is a difficult journey, but one if God calls you to, is so worth it...

I admit that my faith has been pushed, and stretched in this.  I haven't come through it all yet, I'm still wrestling with a lot of stuff.  I'm struggling with reconciling human error and wilfull negligence and how that fits in with God's will.  Many good hearted people, seeking to encourage us, have said that this is all part of God's "perfect timing."  Most of the time, I confess I just think, "How can that be, when it's all a result of human hands, mistakes, inaction, that should have been done so differently?" At least that's the way it seems to me right now...  maybe time will give me a new perspective.

I know all the stories where God uses bad people to accomplish His will. I know all of that. And I find myself reading them these days to encourage me that His will does prevail, no matter how corruptly humans mess it up.  I'm just at a place right now where it's hard to figure out, and I know He hasn't forgotten us, but I can't accept (at least right now) that this is pleasing to Him, and part of His perfect will...

I know and trust that it will all work together to bring her home in the end.  Because God IS the Most High God.  He called us to build our family this way, He directed us to take every step that led us to Meryn. Even though the whole experience has not been the beautiful dream I had intended or wanted, I have to believe and have to trust that He's already on the other side of this, (as a good friend said) and however it's gotten or gets messed up along the way, He can smooth it out.  He can make mountains low, He can make valleys high....  He will make our path straight.  Even if His straight is a winding road through dark forests with bends we cannot see coming. : )  He WILL be glorified in all of this in the end.

This is an often-quoted verse, but so applicable to my life today:

"Trust in the LORD and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and he will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3: 5-6

Claiming these truths, praying this today.


  1. Love you! Be encouraged dear friend, as you wait, you are being drawn closer and closer to HIM and it brings joy to see HIM at work in you and in this! THankful for HIS care and faithfulness!

  2. Megan, I often heard Sam (my late husband) express his displeasure with the incompetence ans/or neglect of others by stating, "It never ceases to amaze me how little some people know about the job they do!" It certainly seems that you have encountered both incompetence and neglect from others in the past few months. It is never easy to accept because it is just plain sinful in some cases and we know that sin always brings suffering. Personally I think I like it better when it is the "reap what you sow" variety of suffering but we know that is not always the case. Sometimes very innocent bystanders are the ones who suffer the most in a particular scenario. All we can do as you pointed out is to trust the providence of the Most High God, knowing that He orchestrates all the details of our lives while He is also orchestrating a variety of circumstances in a variety of people for a variety of goals simultaneously. Sometimes we just do not understand our part at all and have to go back to Deuteronomy 29:29. I am definitely praying for you and really believe this will be over for you very soon. I am sorry for the pain you are having to endure. He will give you grace to persevere and I pray your tomorrow is brighter. Praying!!! Caring!!! Praying more!!!

  3. I love you Megs. He DOES use the bad people, just like puppets, to do His will. We have an entire Old Testament full fo examples. The one I have been focusing on is all the people who wronged Joseph on his way to saving Egypt from the famine.
    As we thumb forward a few pages, we get the geneology line for Jesus one more time, and we see that it wasn't about saving Egypt. It was about saving Judah, one of his very own brothers who tossed him into the pit, and the bloodline of Jesus, from the famine.
    The best part about the "plan" is that justice always prevails, and dark deeds do not go uncovered in the eyes of the Lord.
    My friend Pat shared yesterday that "We must put feet to our prayers." - Ford Porter. I have been holding onto that through the blasts of "let go and let God" and "perfect timing" comments. There is a battle to be fought, and my feet are walking with yours in all of this. Most importantly, we will keep walking forward for truth for our children. Truth is Heavenly Currency!!!

  4. What a blessing to have not only read your beautifully honest post but also the comments here and on facebook. I'm so grateful that Believers often have to speak truth into each other's lives to just encourage and uplift our arms when we grow weary. They didn't have blogs or facebook back then but I have to imagine that the jews and african-americans had to constantly depend on others whose faith at any given moment was stronger than theirs when they couldn't see God stepping in to stop the gas chambers.... or still let the masters whip tear at their backs. In fact.... I still don't understand why in His providence that all happened. But I am very grateful to have my theology that doesn't allow me for a second to believe that He was a bystander in all of it. Honestly, it's one reason why I long for His coming. I can't WAIT until Heaven and the fact that this will feel like a vapor. ALL things will be made right. And we will be able to sit at His feet and hear of the Father's Love at times when we felt like it was hidden. Praying for you friend. I hate that you're having to go through this but as one who has felt the tenderness of God through heartwrenching pain both in my marriage and with my babies.... I can say, I've tried Him and found Him faithful and enough. I love you!!

  5. I pray that the detail doesn't get in the way. And I pray that your vision of how excellent God is, is cleared by how horrible we humans have made things!

  6. Thanks for the post, Megan. I will be praying for you and your family. All my love and good thoughts are coming your way. Peace, my friend.

  7. Thank you for sharing your heart. I'll be praying for you.

  8. All I can say to your thoughts and emotions is, "Amen" -I'm with you.