Thursday, April 11, 2013

One of THOSE days....

I know we all have them from time to time. The kind of days that make us wish we had a different life. Fewer kids. An easier existence.  I''m being brutally honest here. It's been a not-so-very-good-week.  I feel like I can't quite do anything well.  The kids are constant.  "Mom, I need water. Mom, I need help with math. Mom, I'm hungry. Can we go outside? Can I play the Wii? Can we go to McDonalds?"  And then Meryn is just screaming.  Always screaming.  Because she's happy.  Because she's frustrated.  Because she is tired, or hungry, or for any other number of unknown reasons.

Sometimes, it's all just too much.  The kids are up before my alarm goes off most days.  I really have NO idea when they get up, because I'm usually up by 6:15 or 6:30.  So from the moment my feet hit the floor until about 9 or 9:30 at night, it's kid time.  I never have enough patience.  I never have enough creativity.  I'm constantly losing opportunities to point my kids to Jesus, and just trying to survive by stopping the bickering in whatever way I can, just to get some peace.

This week, I've been dreaming of a time in the not-so-distant future where every child in my home can articulate their thoughts clearly to me.  A time when there are no more diapers to rinse and wash and change.  A time when there are no more every-meal-water spills, glue on the couch, or cracker crumbs everywhere.  A time when we can read more than 30 seconds without being interrupted by a toddler or baby screaming.  A time when we can all sit around the school table and talk to each other and discuss what we're learning together.

I know that when we get there, I will have days where I think, "I just wish I could have little ones again.  They're so much easier than these big ones."  So I just wanted to write about this day... or this week, rather, that feels completely out of control... completely chaotic. So that when I am having one of THOSE days five years from now, I can look back and say, it really wasn't easier.  Just a different kind of hard.

In the midst of all this, I am trying daily, hour-by-hour, moment-by-moment, to enjoy now.  Enjoy this present season.  Enjoy it for everything it's worth.  To see Jesus in every little task, and work as if it's Him I'm working for, wiping up after, serving water to.  So my kids will see that love and service in an attitude of joy.  Lord, please give me JOY in my daily tasks, in my children, in YOU! :) 

4 comments:

  1. I've had those days (or too many of them in a row) where I just can't seem to get a grip on the day to start new. I usually hear at least once from one of the kids, "I just don't feel loved right now." "I wanted this to be a happy day. " or "You're not being fair."...
    Frustrating, but encouraging to know I'm not alone in the tough days & it is me that needs to model a servant attitude, like you said.
    Christine M.

    ReplyDelete
  2. You are a wonderful mother and teacher. You are a loved child of God. People see Jesus in you in the way you are with your family. You are an encouragement to others. You take time to share what you are doing with your kids which helps other hs moms get a look at what Tapestry of Grace looks like in your context. I know this is encouraging to so many. Even being so transparent about your challenging week is encouraging to others -that they are not alone. Other moms have struggles, too. You are doing amazing things. our heart is in the right place and your eyes fixed on Jesus. He didn't promise us we wouldn't have days like this, but He promised to be there with us. You have a great perspective, looking ahead to the future when you will miss these days and their toddler challenges, and realizing it is just a different kind of hard. You are doing a great job. I think you need to hear that. LS

    ReplyDelete
  3. How did you get in my head??? Seriously!!! Every single word could have come straight from me...just switch the cracker crumbs to bread crumbs and the glue on the coutch to peanut butter on the carpet:) Good to hear others walking the same road. Some days this gets a little lonely, especially with Dale working n doing ph.d...good to hear your honest thoughts! Makes me feel not so crazy! Summer

    ReplyDelete
  4. How did you get in my head??? Seriously! I could have written every word, just change the cracker crumbs to bread crumbs and the glue on the couch to peanut butter on the carpet:) Totally understand. It can get pretty lonely, especially when our husbands are quite busy (Dale's now doing his Ph.D). So, it's great to have some "company" on this road I'm walking! Makes me feel not quite so crazy/hopeless!!! Summer

    ReplyDelete